Sunday, November 22, 2009

warnings

This past week I used Donovan's van to pull a borrowed trailer loaded with our new cabinets (the bottom half anyways.) Since the fine work was crafted by a local Amish man...I did the "hauling." I dropped him and his wife off at the building site along with the cabinets and then went into Goshen for some errands I had to run. It started with some Christmas shopping, lunch, groceries, and then before I knew it...it was 30 minutes until the kids got out of school and I still needed to pick up the cabinet knobs. I had just enough time, if I had NO delays. I pull up to a line of traffic that was waiting for a train. The guards were down with no train coming. Just waiting. And waiting. So I looked both ways two times, and then proceeded to go across the tracks...feeling pretty cool about myself avoiding this delay while the other suckers were waiting endlessly on some "malfunction" on the tracks. Let's face it sometimes it feels pretty fun to live on the wild side. So I just barely get across the tracks to see in an open parking lot around the corner is a police officer. Waiting and watching me. Talk about a sinking sick feeling hitting you smack dab in the face. I knew I was sunk. I knew I was toast. He pulled slowly out, put on his lights, and over I went. All the while feeling the sick, sick awful feeling of regret. Mr. Officer came around the car and while I shook with remorse I struggled to get my license out of my wallet that has never been removed from this wallet. I'm just gonna insert here that I have not been pulled over for 16 years. I'm just sayin'. While Mr. Officer was checking my registration and license...I sat there and just cried. Cried silent tears of sheer worry.....silently crying because I didn't want the 3 year old to ask questions I didn't want to answer. Knowing all the while I was going to get what I deserved, and why was I so stupid? Thinking of the ticket I'm sure I will get....regretting the money I didn't want to spend on a the ticket I deserved. Letting the stress of the week pile up and release in these minutes while I saw a printer printing on Mr. Officers dashboard....while looking on my rear view mirror.

While I waited I couldn't help but correlate the similarities between this judgment and the doom that I was headed before before Christ ruled my life. Thinking of how knowing at one time in my life I was doomed for hell and deserved it. I had committed the sin and deserved eternal death. But having Christ come in and save me from death. Paying that price for me so that I can live with him eternally. I think it struck me so profound...because so few times in my life do I feel like I am on the "hot seat" waiting for the judgment to be given. And it spoke fresh to me that afternoon what a high price it is to die for someone else, for something they did, and knew was wrong. How awesome our God is!

So...the rest of the story. The officer walked up and took one look at me, and had a questioning puzzling look on his face. He said, "it's NOT that bad. You put your life and your little one's in danger..but a ticket's not that bad." I told him in some jumbled up mess of an explanation that by now I was probably going to miss my kids getting off of the bus, the bus driver probably wouldn't leave off the kids because William is just a kindergartner and I HAVE to be there for him to get off, and told him I was mad at myself for being so stupid, and that I know I deserved the ticket...but how I'm mad I was in such a hurry...and blah blah, blah....

And then he hands me what he printed. A warning. Just a warning. He told me to get going...and to be more careful.

Again I was in awe. How do I get out of that...which I deserved? Why did I get grace? I felt so undeserving. So very, very undeserving. Much like God's forgiveness and grace in my life.

P.S. I did make it in time for the boys to get off the bus. :)


Quote of the day:
Suzy: "Mom, I need my boots today because it's raining, right?"
Me: "No, Suzy it's not raining today. God made a beautiful day."
Suzy: "NO mom God makes it rain. Jesus makes a beautiful day."

6 comments:

Mary said...

Oh...I know...far to well what you felt like.

Marlys said...

Um... Was this the day that you had to go to Ehaus for me? I'm sooooooooooooooooooo sorry! It's all my fault.

Holly said...

You are always being looked out for!

Cottonista said...

Great post, Heather! Good thoughts. Most of all, I'm glad you were safe! Railroad crossings can freak me out.

RosyRose said...

Hey friend....I have been to much in a hurry from time to time myself!
Did I tell you how much I love that Suzy? She is so sweet!

Sherri said...

a very well written post....isn't grace AMAZING??!!!