Saturday, November 24, 2012


I felt so bad this morning as I woke up and realized I had so many prayers being lifted up for me yesterday and went to bed last night without ever telling you the results of my MRI.  SOOO..I hope that you saw Donovan's post on facebook and saw what we found out. 

I started my day yesterday at 4 a.m. and worked up until my MRI at 8 a.m. Donovan came to the Hospital "picked me up" off of the 3rd floor and went down to the main floor for the MRI.  I was thrilled that they let him come in to do the scan with me.  I didn't realize they had to start an IV to put contrast through me to see the liver.  I also didn't realize how much of my whole body had to be in the tunnel of the MRI.  I was under the impression that it would be just a little of my face when I was debating if I would want medication or not for claustrophobia.  But it was my whole face and I freaked out.  I like to think I'm a big girl now...but something about going into a tiny little hole with your arms over your head {to get a clear shot of your liver} and going into a cave-like extremely small space where you can't talk or move is a little over the top for me. 

I freaked out!  I had fleeting thoughts of running for the hills.  BUT I so badly wanted to know the results of this.  So I asked Donovan to pray for me.  And he did.  And as soon as he finished praying out loud, I asked him to pray again.  And he did.  It helped and within 5 minutes I could finally put mind over matter and relax.

So the MRI took about 45 min and it was a series of holding your breath and breathing slowly while holding very still and not talking.  All hard things for me...well, except for the breathing.  And actually not.  Because they had monitors on my breathing too...and if I relaxed too much that made my breathing shallow and I had to breath a certain way so that it wouldn't mess up the test.  I had headphones on so that she could give me the breathing instructions.

So after the test I returned to work.  My supervisor was more than happy to give me the whole day off, but I wanted to keep my little mind busy.  At lunch I went downstairs and the results were in.  Only it was a lot of medical terminology jargon that I couldn't very easily make sense of.  So I called my Dr. to see if she had the results and she could give me the down low.  Only she was with patients and the nurse took the message and I waited some more.  A couple of hours later...She called with the news that it was a hemangioma and cyst.  Both benign and both not harmful to me.   Praise GOD!!! 

I called Donovan and kept working.  Although I wanted to go down to the gift shop and buy myself some balloons and a Starbucks with some confetti to throw on myself.  If I could've I would throw the confetti on God. 

I got home from work about 6 p.m. to a table that was set by candlelight & hugs from all of my peeps and we celebrated what God did for our family.  When our supper was over the doorbell rang~ and it was the neighbor bringing over fresh chocolate chip cookies.  {I love God's timing}  And although I would've like to personally hug and/or call each and everyone that lifted/carried me through this time....I went to bed.  I was just so spent.  I'm sorry I didn't call any of you.  I was emotionally and physically exhausted!!  But am so thankful for friends and family.  This age of modern technology made it possible for me to feel so loved and cared for through the power of words and encouragement via facebook/email/texts. SO thank you!!!  God is good.  All the time.

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, to the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever!! Psalm 31:11-12 :: God is GOOD and ever so faithful! ::

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

turning off lies

Last I wrote on my blog I was expecting to go to work the next morning.  But....I woke up about 3 a.m. that morning and had some pretty severe pain.  That kept getting worse.  I was on the floor in pain and dry heaving.  It came in waves of pain in my stomach and in my back and then would ease up.  After about an hour of this...we went to the E.R. 

They diagnosed me right away as having a kidney stone and I was pretty sure they were right.  I had one 10 years ago when I was pregnant with Jack and thought at that time I was in labor.  It was so big that I could not pass it but rather had to have surgery in Ft. Wayne.  So I remembered the pain....and it was similar.  The E.R. doctor sent me for a CT scan to confirm what we both thought it was. 

And it was a kidney stone.  And it was 2-3 mm so it was small enough to pass. They sent me home with some strong pain medication, antibiotic, inflammation medicine, and anti-nausea medicine.  All that day, the pain stayed with me and I peed in a hat, then straining the urine to see if the stone came thru.  I never did find it...but the pain was 90% better by the next day.  I found out that sometimes the stone breaks down small enough that it can't even be strained.

I was so thankful to be up and feeling so much better by Friday last week, only 2 days later.  And then.........I got a call from my Doctor saying that the CT scan found a mass on my liver that they're not sure what it is.  And I need an MRI to see what it is.  Of course there are many things that it can be and I'm trying very hard to not focus on the negative or the worst it could be. 

Yesterday I worked my first shift on the OB floor.  It was a 12 hour shift and it was very BUSY.  It kept my mind busy and I loved the fast pace.  I think it's going to be a great place for me and a good fit.  Anyways, by the time I got home after getting up at 4:00 a.m. yesterday....I should've been tired.  I went to bed at 9:30 and my mind was just racing.  I was under attack.  Donovan prayed over me several times before sleep would come over 1.5 hours later. 

This morning I woke to an encouraging text that spoke truth into my life, sweet notes & cards all around my computer that reminded me of truth, and flowers on my kitchen window sill reminding me of prayers and love from a friend. 

I debated for 5 days whether to share this publicly or not, and after I had time to process this~I felt like I needed to.  I want to encourage you if you are going thru a difficult time some words that have helped me.  Here are various things from different friends and my pastor that have lifted me up. 

"Remember fear comes from Satan and thru Christ we are overcomers and we can overcome our fears!  God allows each and every "piece" of life to come our way for a purpose because He has a custom plan for you.  He wants to make something beautiful of your life even when you cannot see it even as you face confusion and hardship.  You can find purpose even benefit in adversity!!  When you cannot understand why God is doing something or not doing something God meant it for good and wants to increase your faith in HIM!!  When we go thru trials God uses them to refine us and its intended to increase our Faith in Him!!  God tells us not to worry....Matt 6:25-34 and put our home in him we need to walk in the spirit and not in the flesh." 

"He will keep in perfect peace all those who trust in Him"  Isaiah 26:3"

"May the Lord answer you when you are in distress; May the name of the God of Jacob protect you.  Ps 20:1"

"Romans 12:12  And I will be joyful with you in hope, join you in being patient in affliction & faithful in prayer."

And then our pastor preached on Depression last Sunday.  I never thought I was in "depression" about this....but I guess a little bit I have been.  He described it also as feeling like "grey slush" and with winter coming it's pretty common to feel the "grey slush" of winter blues.  This season gets pretty long in Indiana!  It seemed like Pastor Rick wrote this message for me.  But I know better....It was a message right from the lips of God.  Some of his key points were:
*We need to turn off the lies that we believe. 
*When we are at our weakest moment~satan feeds us the lies & discouragement. 
*We must plow through and tune out satan. 
*Christian life is NOT based on feelings but on FAITH.
*We need to focus on the good times and things God has done in our life.  (Psalm 42:4) 
*Let our memory banks rebuke what satan lies. 
*Train our minds to steer clear away from discouragement.  It takes discipline!!! 
*GIVE Praise to GoD!  Psalm 42:5 
*Self says, "you have every right to be depressed."  We have a choice: Stay there in the grey slush OR do I talk myself out of it? 
*When discouragement knocks don't let them in.  Demolish them!!! (2 Corth. 10:5)  
*Turn our discouragement into praise & turn our praise to GOD.  
*God does not promise no problems but to walk with us thru them. 
*We should expect's part of life.  And we should be equipped to handle it when it does come. 
Does that make sense to you?? It's notes and as fast as I can write...I was.  It all resignated to my soul with such perfect timing. 

And then my favorite radio station played this...and the words were again perfect timing for me.     

Need You Now

by, Plumb
Well, everybody's got a story to tell
And everybody's got a wound to be healed
I want to believe there's beauty here
So, I guess you're tired of holding on
I can't let go, I can't move on
I want to believe there's meaning here

How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this"?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.

Standing on a road I didn't plan
Wondering how I got to where I am
I'm trying to hear that still small voice
I'm trying to hear above the noise


Though I walk,
Though I walk through the shadows
And I, I am so afraid
Please stay, please stay right beside me
With every single step I take

How many times have you heard me cry out?
And how many times have you given me strength?

I need you now
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.
I need you now
I need you now

So if you are the praying type...I need you now.  Will you pray?  For this to be nothing.  IF not that God would give me strength to face whatever it is.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

working 9-5.....actually make that 0500-1730 {5:00 A.M. to 5:30 P.M.}

 So I started my new job.  Yesterday all day I had a General Hospital Orientation of fun things like their Mission, Values, Safety, Customer service, Injuries and policies and procedures. 
Today I went to a Nursing Orientation that talked about Medical Gases used in the hospital, Arrhythmia & Telemetry, Glucometers, Restraints, Code Blues, and other fun things and words that I teetered between knowing nothing about and having a small clue.  WOW!  SO much to know and learn. It's been a good experience so far and very, very sweet people that have been patient with me. 
I was so surprised & excited that the Training Coordinator of the Birthplace came to pick up me & 2 other new nurses yesterday to take us for lunch.  Awwww!!!  I loved feeling part of their family & well~ I do love free. It was so very sweet.  I noticed out of the 24 + new colleagues representing many different departments~ that we were the only ones picked up and taken for lunch.  Makes a girl feel special!!!      
Tomorrow I will start on the OB unit.  Yippee for babies!!!  So excited to start.  A little concerned for 12 1/2 hour days that will require me to be at the hospital at 5 a.m.  But thankful for the pay that comes with the training and my family that supports me and cheer leads for me from the sidelines.  My 12 year old told me on the first day, "Mom, I'm gonna be praying for you all day long today!" This journey has been a faith builder for them and me as we prayed for this opportunity and watched God open the doors. 
And now comes some changes at the ranch......

Like getting laundry done in the evenings, packing lunches the night before, and laying out clothes for the littlest one.  Because while their Dad has a great sense of fashion....He is absolutely is  overwhelmed by girls clothing options and accessories.  
 Six...count them six lunches for tomorrow!!!!  Some of them get hot lunch some of the time~However tomorrow's menu at the 3 schools caused some noses to wrinkle and some resounding, "uhhhh...No thanks."  Seems like they'd get sick of peanut butter and jelly and ham & cheese...but have at it.  I'll pack it again.  Especially when I have such a willing little Suzy helper pants.
So this is just a season.  Three days a week of 12.5 hour shifts for 6 weeks of training.  I shall keep telling myself that when I come home in a heap of overwhelmed tears tomorrow. 
After training I will be working 2-3 shifts every 2 weeks.  Which is more my pace & will suit my family just right. 
Quote of the day:
{this morning while combing Suzy's hair.}
Me: "Suzy...tomorrow Daddy will be combing your hair because Mom will be getting up very early and leaving for work before you are even done sleeping."
Suzy: "Oh good because Daddy let's me have my hair anyway I want."  and then she has a big smile. 
Not sure what happened to her but right now she thinks ribbons are "too dressy"~and not at all "Sporty"
I don't even like sports???!!!!! 
I've got some retraining to do!!!!!

Monday, November 5, 2012


They said, my Jack would probably not outgrow his seizures because of the type he has had and the location in his brain of where they start. But today we found out he's been on such a low dose of seizure medicine (2.9) ...the blood work indicates it wouldn't have even stopped a seizure {it has to be 4 or above to stop seizures}. All this to say....God says he did outgrow them. 3.5 years of taking meds is over. Praise to my Jesus for healing him despite what statistics say. Bring out the balloons~I'm gonna go do a happy dance depsite my stomach flu.

Friday, November 2, 2012

We're waiting on some more things over here.....

Last weekend we went to Indy for an appointment with Jack's pediatric neurologist.  Some of you know that Jack has had 3 seizures over the last 3 years.  In April he went for an EEG and we were hopeful that he would have this brain scan & it would come back normal (as in not showing brain waves that would lend towards seizures) and he would be able to go off of his seizure medication.  But it came back with these little waves that made the Dr. reluctant to take him off of his medication....esp. with going into summer, which means swimming.  Super big precaution with seizures...for obvious reasons. 
So he stayed on the seizure meds.  It has now it has been 2 years and 9 months since he's had one.  WITHOUT ever increasing his medication for that long.  Even though the boy has grown several inches and pounds!   SOOOOO....This is awesome.  He's been on a super low dose of medication this whole time.  And never had a seizure. 
I'm feeling like God has healed him of this.  Something we thought (because of what his Dr. said) he'd would not be outgrowing because of the location of the brain where his seizures start. 
But.....God's pretty amazing...and pretty awesome at doing what doctors say shouldn't happen.  Can I get an Amen???
So Jack had some blood work done on Tuesday.  And now we're waiting to hear back on how much of this medication is even in his blood. 
If it's under "4" then that means that it wouldn't even be medicinal should he have a seizure. 
SO......We're just waiting, hoping, and excited to see what happens with this blood work that comes back next week.
And hopeful that we can take him off of this seizure medicine that he takes 2 times every day!!!
 While we wait....I thought I'd show ya some pictures from overnight in Indy.  That rocked.  We got a hotel thru Priceline....and upon arriving at the hotel I asked the check in guy if we could please have a room with 2 beds.  Why yes, yes we could.  Thank you Hilton.  And this is what we walked into.......
 A room with a view on the 17th floor!!!!

 After we checked in we ignored the kids' persistent requests to go directly to the pool and headed out for a little site seeing and dinner.  Cheesecake Factory for us & McDonald's for the kids to be exact.  Which is another whole story on it's own. 
  Pretty sure we would've been the only guests on 17 floors of patrons that were eating Life cereal out of solo cups.  Sometimes we roll strong, sometimes we roll on economy.  {Shhhhh....don't tell the kids they still thought they were "livin' the dream" eating cereal on the couch while watching their own T.V. while we were in the next room of our suite watching our favorite shows.}
'cook' that morning
 After checking out we made a 1.5 hour trip to Turkey Run State Park.  Here I am rolling strong on economy lunch making.  Ham & cheese AND pringles.  Each child getting their own CAN of pop.  No sirree.....We didn't even make them share. 
 They look pretty much this way every time we break out food.
 Turkey Run State Park is one of the neatest places in Indiana.  If you haven't been gotta do it sometime.  Donovan and I hadn't been there for 14 years.  I wondered if the younger kids would be able to keep up....
 However we had to tell them to slow down.....over and over.  The above picture is a prime example.  Do you see my little 6 year old way out in front???
 It was a beautiful, cool afternoon for hiking. 

 Are we really in INDIANA???

So cool to be livin' my dream with my man.  Not always easy, not always fun.....I never want to come across as having perfect lives over here....but I tell you doin' life and family with this guy makes it as easy as it will ever be!!!  I love him & the children we have. 
And just a side note to by bloggy friends...I can't even tell you how much all of your support means to me.  So many many comments in regards to my last post....and I appreciate and enjoy everyone of them.  They encourage me and I love to hear from you.  Thanks for the nice comments and inboxes!!!  It's an awesome way to stay connected.  Love you guys!!!