Last I wrote on my blog I was expecting to go to work the next morning. But....I woke up about 3 a.m. that morning and had some pretty severe pain. That kept getting worse. I was on the floor in pain and dry heaving. It came in waves of pain in my stomach and in my back and then would ease up. After about an hour of this...we went to the E.R.
They diagnosed me right away as having a kidney stone and I was pretty sure they were right. I had one 10 years ago when I was pregnant with Jack and thought at that time I was in labor. It was so big that I could not pass it but rather had to have surgery in Ft. Wayne. So I remembered the pain....and it was similar. The E.R. doctor sent me for a CT scan to confirm what we both thought it was.
And it was a kidney stone. And it was 2-3 mm so it was small enough to pass. They sent me home with some strong pain medication, antibiotic, inflammation medicine, and anti-nausea medicine. All that day, the pain stayed with me and I peed in a hat, then straining the urine to see if the stone came thru. I never did find it...but the pain was 90% better by the next day. I found out that sometimes the stone breaks down small enough that it can't even be strained.
I was so thankful to be up and feeling so much better by Friday last week, only 2 days later. And then.........I got a call from my Doctor saying that the CT scan found a mass on my liver that they're not sure what it is. And I need an MRI to see what it is. Of course there are many things that it can be and I'm trying very hard to not focus on the negative or the worst it could be.
Yesterday I worked my first shift on the OB floor. It was a 12 hour shift and it was very BUSY. It kept my mind busy and I loved the fast pace. I think it's going to be a great place for me and a good fit. Anyways, by the time I got home after getting up at 4:00 a.m. yesterday....I should've been tired. I went to bed at 9:30 and my mind was just racing. I was under attack. Donovan prayed over me several times before sleep would come over 1.5 hours later.
This morning I woke to an encouraging text that spoke truth into my life, sweet notes & cards all around my computer that reminded me of truth, and flowers on my kitchen window sill reminding me of prayers and love from a friend.
I debated for 5 days whether to share this publicly or not, and after I had time to process this~I felt like I needed to. I want to encourage you if you are going thru a difficult time some words that have helped me. Here are various things from different friends and my pastor that have lifted me up.
"Remember fear comes from Satan and thru Christ we are overcomers and we can overcome our fears! God allows each and every "piece" of life to come our way for a purpose because He has a custom plan for you. He wants to make something beautiful of your life even when you cannot see it even as you face confusion and hardship. You can find purpose even benefit in adversity!! When you cannot understand why God is doing something or not doing something God meant it for good and wants to increase your faith in HIM!! When we go thru trials God uses them to refine us and its intended to increase our Faith in Him!! God tells us not to worry....Matt 6:25-34 and put our home in him we need to walk in the spirit and not in the flesh."
"He will keep in perfect peace all those who trust in Him" Isaiah 26:3"
"May the Lord answer you when you are in distress; May the name of the God of Jacob protect you. Ps 20:1"
"Romans 12:12 And I will be joyful with you in hope, join you in being patient in affliction & faithful in prayer."
And then our pastor preached on Depression last Sunday. I never thought I was in "depression" about this....but I guess a little bit I have been. He described it also as feeling like "grey slush" and with winter coming it's pretty common to feel the "grey slush" of winter blues. This season gets pretty long in Indiana! It seemed like Pastor Rick wrote this message for me. But I know better....It was a message right from the lips of God. Some of his key points were:
*We need to turn off the lies that we believe.
*When we are at our weakest moment~satan feeds us the lies & discouragement.
*We must plow through and tune out satan.
*Christian life is NOT based on feelings but on FAITH.
*We need to focus on the good times and things God has done in our life. (Psalm 42:4)
*Let our memory banks rebuke what satan lies.
*Train our minds to steer clear away from discouragement. It takes discipline!!!
*GIVE Praise to GoD! Psalm 42:5
*Self says, "you have every right to be depressed." We have a choice: Stay there in the grey slush OR do I talk myself out of it?
*When discouragement knocks don't let them in. Demolish them!!! (2 Corth. 10:5)
*Turn our discouragement into praise & turn our praise to GOD.
*God does not promise no problems but to walk with us thru them.
*We should expect discouragement...it's part of life. And we should be equipped to handle it when it does come.
Does that make sense to you?? It's notes and as fast as I can write...I was. It all resignated to my soul with such perfect timing.
And then my favorite radio station played this...and the words were again perfect timing for me.
Need You Now
Well, everybody's got a story to tell
And everybody's got a wound to be healed
I want to believe there's beauty here
So, I guess you're tired of holding on
I can't let go, I can't move on
I want to believe there's meaning here
How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this"?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.
Standing on a road I didn't plan
Wondering how I got to where I am
I'm trying to hear that still small voice
I'm trying to hear above the noise
Though I walk,
Though I walk through the shadows
And I, I am so afraid
Please stay, please stay right beside me
With every single step I take
How many times have you heard me cry out?
And how many times have you given me strength?
I need you now
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.
I need you now
I need you now
So if you are the praying type...I need you now. Will you pray? For this to be nothing. IF not that God would give me strength to face whatever it is.