Monday, February 15, 2010

jack



My fear monster is back. The nagging little tug that pulls these strings and teeters between almost forgetting what happened last night and then remembering and having this fear pierce through my heart. Making me want to find that little 7 year old of mine and not let him out of my sight. Last night another seizure came. It lasted about 5 minutes. It was awful & scary. We held him, and felt helpless and we watched Jack's lips turn blue, his face grey, and him be totally unaware that we were there. Watching as he seemed to be choking on his tongue, wishing there was something~anything we could do to stop it. After it was done, he passed out. We carried him to our bed...and watched. Wanting to sleep...wishing I could get the ugly fear to stop replaying the seizure in my head. Telling myself....He will be o.k., far more children~have it far worse, this seizure could've been longer~more severe. Praying for him. But then giving way to tears...again. Glad for once to listen to Jack snore~knowing he's sleeping peacefully. And listening to his daddy snore beside him, knowing he got it from him. It has been 6 months since he has had a seizure. I wrote about it here.

Our Neurologist has told us when his seizures are over 10 minutes that we should call 911~ under that time frame to keep him home and follow up with him the next day. Which is what we did today. He changed Jack's medication and increased the dosage. We follow up with the Dr. for bloodwork in 2 weeks and again in 6 weeks. The triggers are many~we suspect that it was because he was over-tired and exahusted. It was around 11 p.m. when he got to bed.

I need your prayers if you can support me that way. I'm trying to balance healthy concern and fear. Letting go and letting him return to normal everyday activities. Letting him be in the basement to play with his sister, letting him go off to school in the morning, and this little guy has a birthday party this Friday to go to for his best friend. Wanting him to go and not all at the same time. Wanting to let go and let God be God~Wanting to let Him strengthen me, and refine me. But letting my fear get the best of me at times.

22 comments:

Kim said...

Heather that has to be so scary.
Lord, ease Heather's fear and keep her calm. Help her remember that you are with her crying with her, and holding her as she is holding Jack. Heal Jack's body Lord and be with his doctors as they decide what is the best treatment for Jack.
Amen

Jenn said...

Oh Heather,
We're praying for sweet Jack and all of you. I cannot imagine how awful that feeling must be.

wanita said...

so sorry! i understand the 'healthy concern and fear' balance-praying for you all!

Rosetta said...

Here I am awake @ 2:30am and one of my first thoughts-maybe I'm awake to pray that Heather can sleep-so I prayed for you and for Jack.
love you and cry with you!

Jen Bontrager said...

Oh how scary. I would probably come unglued. Will definitely pray for your family.

Phyllis said...

Heather: May God give you wisdom and strength for each day. We sure cant understand the mind of God to let these things happen to our little ones, but we can trust Him. I will lift you up to the Father in prayer cause I know what you are going thru and i know you will find all that you need in Him. God bless you,mamma.

My Life said...

Heather,

I am so so sorry that you are going through this. I know how scary it is just sitting there looking at your child and wondering what horrible stuff is happening inside and hoping for normal life to reappear for you. Seizures are so scary...Just know that sometimes God allows things to protect us from something worse later. To also provide a sign to something we should pay attention to. I don't know about you but I would take him and see as many doctors as I can to get answers. Use that mothers intuition to guide you. I am praying hard that these terrible seizures just plain stop. You are such a great person and mom and wife. Just love him up as much as you can and don't settle for what one doctor tells you.

Cindy said...

Praying Praying Praying!

Stacey said...

Oh Heather! I just saw this post and my heart is aching! I am praying for your strength, Jack's protection and God's power in this situation. You are such a great mama and God is so great! Keep us posted. We'll talk Feta soon. Hugs!

The Johnsons said...

Praying Praying Praying!

Lori @ Couponomic Stimulus Package said...

How scary Heather. Your family will be in our prayers.

Anonymous said...

oh Heather, I had no idea... so sorry I can't imagine what it is like to watch your child sieze. I do know what it is like when they can't breathe tho...scary. I will be praying for strength, wisdom and for peace for all of you. Love, Lanae

Mary said...

Oh Heather, I am sorry that happened. So, sorry. It makes me so angry when these things happen. We live in a world of sin we are promised a freedom from and told we are not subject to, yet it grips us and intertwines it's tentacles into the areas of our heart that cause us so much fear and hurt. I totally believe that God can heal Jack, I will pray to that end, but I will also pray that you will conquer the fear that goes with these moments. That God would reveal to you how solid His grip is around His beloved Jack.

Grandma Ruby said...

Will be praying for you, Heather, and of course for Jack and all of the rest of you. May Jesus be very close to guide you in wisdom as you care for your dear family. Love you much, Aunt Ruby

cheryl said...

Heather, I was really hoping the seizures were a thing of the past. I'm sorry! That's got to be such a hard thing to watch as a mom. I'll be praying for our Father's touch on his little body, and also for a peace that passes understanding for you and Donovan.

Beth said...

Praying for you, for peace of mind, and trust in our heavenly Father! When it comes to our children it's hard to let God have the driver's seat and to stay seated with our hands in our laps trusting that He has all the answers and plans for our babies. Take care. I am definately praying!

RosyRose said...

oh friend...I had no idea you had an eposide this week again!
Jesus, I just bring Heather, D and the whole family before you right now...I ask for your glory to be revealed in each of them. I ask God that you would heal Jack completely and that what our enemy would mean for evil you will redeem and make whole!
Loving you from afar!
I hope you are having some cake today:)

Erin said...

Heather-I'm so sorry to hear about Jack I hope he is doing better. How scary. He is in my prayers along with the rest of your family.

sherri said...

Heather,

I just read this post this morning...so glad he was with you when it happened! I'll be praying for all of you...esp. Jack.

Love you.

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angie leverence said...

God... bless little Jack, keep in the center of your nail scarred hand. Help his mommy and daddy feel peace over this situation. You are so sovereign God, sometimes we have absolutely no idea how to trust you, but we know that you are trustworthy. We love you and thank you for little Jack's life. Amen.

Carolyn said...

Heather, my heart goes out to you. I'm finally catching up with you. So sorry.