Monday, September 15, 2008

business as usual.....

Well the perpetrator came forward and come to find out it was a relative playing a "joke." All is forgiven, and we are full steam ahead with the blog business. Thank you for all the supporting emails & comments. You girls totally rock!

Yesterday was a heavy day for me. While most years it doesn't affect me....and I am o.k. yesterday made me long for a relationship I deeply miss. Yesterday was the day my mom died 20 years ago. I can't even believe it has been that long. I was 13 years old. My mom died at the age of 44 of cancer. While most years I just really rejoice and focus on what I have been blessed with - yesterday I got up saw the rain (again), and wanted to just crawl back into bed. I really didn't want to go to church. I didn't want to be a mama. I just wanted to have a good cry. I choked back the tears through breakfast. And then while I was doing my hair...Donovan came in and asked, "o.k. what's wrong? Don't you like what I'm wearing?" I told him what was on my mind, he hugged me. He loved me. After I had a short cry, I felt better. And then I started thinking... my mama Faye would've wanted me to be in church. She would've been beyond pleased we have a place we feel so loved, and so at home. What better way to honor her than to be where she raised me to be Sunday morning. Taking my kids, doing what she lived out for me in our short time together. During our worship time, I felt that there was one song meant just for me. It blessed me beyond words. Here are the words.

Victory in Jesus
I heard an old, old story,
How a Savior came from glory,
How He gave His life on Calvary
To save a wretch like me;
I heard about His groaning,
Of His precious blood's atoning,
Then I repented of my sins
And won the victory.

O victory in Jesus,My Savior, forever.
He sought me and bought me
With His redeeming blood;
He loved me ere I knew Him
And all my love is due Him,
He plunged me to victory,Beneath the cleansing flood.

I heard about His healing,
Of His cleansing pow'r revealing.
How He made the lame to walk again
And caused the blind to see;
And then I cried, "Dear Jesus,Come and heal my broken spirit,"
And somehow Jesus came and bro't
To me the victory.

I heard about a mansion
He has built for me in glory.
And I heard about the streets of gold
Beyond the crystal sea;
About the angels singing,
And the old redemption story,
And some sweet day I'll sing up there
The song of victory.

And that's the part that got me. The part about the mansion. Thinking again about God's promises. Thinking about my mom being up there in a Mansion. She IS walking on streets of gold. She hears the angels sing Every. single. day. What a promise.

I can't wait to see you Jesus. And I can't wait to see you again mama.


Anonymous said...

I have my days too Heather.....especially with all these little grandchildren coming into our family and knowing Mom would've have absolutely loved the activity that goes on in our household everytime we get together. Your blog brought tears.....Thanks for the reminders of our reward in heaven! I miss my Mom so much during these days!

Rosetta said...

What a beautiful tribute to your dear Mother, Heather. She would have understood your tears~she was that kind of person...she cared so deeply (and worried) especially about her two little girls when she was dying. I've said many times that I wish she could see Heather and her family~she would be thrilled! She was not only my Aunt, she was a dear friend. You can cry all the tears you need to this week~she was one special lady and I can't imagine how much you must miss her. My love to you, Holly and Melissa~esp. this week.

Beth said...

Certain anniversaries are hard aren't they? As you know I didn't lose my mother but, my brother about the same time. Every August 16th I remember Dan and send up my love, people always said to me that as time goes on it will get easier... yes, sometimes it does but, really I still miss him, there is still that "missing spot" in our family. This past spring I lost a friend that was more like a sister than a friend and I now am going through once again all the ups and downs of grieving. I miss them both terribly! It does help me though to remember that as long as I live for Christ that someday I will be able to see them again. God just had a different "life plan" for them. And like you I can't wait!!! Isn't it wonderful how god knows just the right song or sermon to slip in that will help us through all of this?! He is wonderful!

Sherri said...

I would have loved to meet your mom and feel like I already know her a bit through you. As Rosetta said, she would be and I'm sure is very proud of you.

I look forward to meeting her someday myself and what a wonderful hope you have that you will see her again too.

Stacey said...

Oh Heather! I am in tears! You are such a neat, neat person. I am so glad God blessed you with that song in church, the perfect promise, you needed right then.


Jennifer @ Taking My Time said...

Goodness, Heather, you're making me cry here and I don't even know you. I love, love that song and usually get teary when we sing it in church.

I'm so sorry you lost your mama at such a young age.

Such a sweet, sweet post.

And glad you're still blogging :)

Anonymous said...

Great blog & tribute to our mom, sister! You just rock! I loved it. Yep, the 2 days out of the year that are the hardest, Sept.14th & November 17th! I love ya sister! I am so thankful we are as close as we are! Love ya!!!!

Holly said...

Sorry I hit publish before I put my name in, although you know who it was.

Anonymous said...

goose bumps and tears. that was beautiful heather!

Anonymous said...

I don't know you, but have followed your blog for the last few weeks after linking to it from Stacey's blog. I am glad you are going to continue blogging - I appreciate your realism. This post was touching. I am sure your mother's death brings more sadness as you watch your own daughter near the age you were when you lost your mom. From what I can tell from your blog, you are a great mom - I am sure your mother would be proud of you. Thanks for your transparency.

Jenn said...

Beautiful post Heather! It made me cry for your loss. If your mother was anything like you, I'm sure she was wonderful.


RosyRose said...

Heather- look what you've gone and done...blowing my nose and touchin my heart! You convinced me...I had to start a blog. I've become a blog stalker! I never Knew it could be so much fun!Hey come check me out!C U....Rose

Cindy said...

Crying for your loss, crying for my loss, and crying for everyone who has ever lost someone that was sooo loved!

cheryl said...

Heather, I'm sorry for the hurt in your heart. I'm glad God gave you the song and a hug from Donovan to ease the pain a little. Other than salvation itself, the assurance that we get to see our loved ones who also love Jesus again is my favorite "perk" of following Christ. I have two other friends, one who recently hit the 20 yr. mark, and one who hit the 10 yr. mark of missing their mamas as well. I'll be keeping all of your hearts in my prayers. Yours was a sweet mama. I have good memories of her and her loving heart. I'm glad you got the years with her you did, but sorry you didn't get more. Looking forward to the years in the mansion in glory.

Mary said...

Heather, I don't know if you remember me or not. I was Mary Troyer, now Mary Kelso...or Mary Jo as a lot of people remember me. I certainly remember you and your family and how much your mother was missed by those around our community. It's hard to believe it's been 20 years. As you probably know my mother passed away as well, back in 2001...I'm sure they have visited since then and are talking about all their grand-babies together. I just want to say how well I believe you have done and how incredible it is to see you thriving and content in the life God has blessed you with. It would be easy to be bitter after losing your mom so young. But being grateful for every moment you had is so much more fruitful and in so doing you have been a blessing to others. I hope you don't mind me checking in on your blog now and then...I read Cheryl's regularly and hop over to see how your crew is doing when I have the time. God bless you.