Yesterday was a heavy day for me. While most years it doesn't affect me....and I am o.k. yesterday made me long for a relationship I deeply miss. Yesterday was the day my mom died 20 years ago. I can't even believe it has been that long. I was 13 years old. My mom died at the age of 44 of cancer. While most years I just really rejoice and focus on what I have been blessed with - yesterday I got up saw the rain (again), and wanted to just crawl back into bed. I really didn't want to go to church. I didn't want to be a mama. I just wanted to have a good cry. I choked back the tears through breakfast. And then while I was doing my hair...Donovan came in and asked, "o.k. what's wrong? Don't you like what I'm wearing?" I told him what was on my mind, he hugged me. He loved me. After I had a short cry, I felt better. And then I started thinking... my mama Faye would've wanted me to be in church. She would've been beyond pleased we have a place we feel so loved, and so at home. What better way to honor her than to be where she raised me to be Sunday morning. Taking my kids, doing what she lived out for me in our short time together. During our worship time, I felt that there was one song meant just for me. It blessed me beyond words. Here are the words.
Victory in Jesus
I heard an old, old story,
How a Savior came from glory,
How He gave His life on Calvary
To save a wretch like me;
I heard about His groaning,
Of His precious blood's atoning,
Then I repented of my sins
And won the victory.
O victory in Jesus,My Savior, forever.
He sought me and bought me
With His redeeming blood;
He loved me ere I knew Him
And all my love is due Him,
He plunged me to victory,Beneath the cleansing flood.
I heard about His healing,
Of His cleansing pow'r revealing.
How He made the lame to walk again
And caused the blind to see;
And then I cried, "Dear Jesus,Come and heal my broken spirit,"
And somehow Jesus came and bro't
To me the victory.
I heard about a mansion
He has built for me in glory.
And I heard about the streets of gold
Beyond the crystal sea;
About the angels singing,
And the old redemption story,
And some sweet day I'll sing up there
The song of victory.
And that's the part that got me. The part about the mansion. Thinking again about God's promises. Thinking about my mom being up there in a Mansion. She IS walking on streets of gold. She hears the angels sing Every. single. day. What a promise.
I can't wait to see you Jesus. And I can't wait to see you again mama.